In 2015 we made major strides towards debunking the myth that mainstream porn is an accurate depiction of what women want sexually....
In 2015 we made major strides towards debunking the myth that mainstream porn is an accurate depiction of what women want sexually. Documentaries like Hot Girls Wanted and the new laws on safe sex in San Fernando Valley brought about a lot of discussion around what the world of pornography is really like and how it differs from our own.
This allowed many women to bring this conversation into the bedroom, and start honestly assessing how the influence of a porn-saturated world has affected their sex lives. And while mainstream pornography can certainly have a place in a healthy sex life in terms of role-playing or kink play, centering your go-to activities on lessons taught by a male-dominated-fantasy is not sustainable.
I have a lot of friends who suffer from this and only in the past year have I really worked on curing it for myself, because yes, judging others...
I have a lot of friends who suffer from this and only in the past year have I really worked on curing it for myself, because yes, judging others is a disease.
When we frown at the choices of others we create a limitation in our own mind for our own sexual capacity. Live and let live. Remind yourself that there aren’t just one or three sexual orientations, there are billions and everyone has the right to create their own unique recipe of desires and satisfaction. As long as it’s with consenting partners and it’s legal, it’s wonderful.
So the next time someone shares a preference or idea that isn’t comfortable to you, instead of saying, “How weird, why would anyone want that!” instead ask, “How interesting! What do you like about that?” Do a quick search of niche sex sites and you will see what you think is freaky actually has an entire community, that just maybe, you may be inclined to partake in one day.
I know, I know—your feminist ears perked right up, right?I read a book recently that was published in the 1960s called The Sensuous Woman by...
I know, I know—your feminist ears perked right up, right?
I read a book recently that was published in the 1960s called The Sensuous Woman by Terry Garrity, which was filled with advice in this vein. But here is where this book and any instruction on appropriate female grooming misses the mark: it doesn’t matter if your underwear doesn’t match or if your legs are hairy, IF it honestly doesn’t matter to YOU.
What does matter, however, is that you take care of whatever nagging personal item that prevents you from getting out of your head during sex: Oh God, not missionary: I don’t want anyone that close to my face when I haven’t flossed.
Make maintaining your sex-play-friendly self a priority and do it even when you aren’t expecting to get any, because you truly never know—plus turning yourself on is also important! Also make preparations to work around the things you can’t immediately control. If you know you can’t stop thinking about how your breasts look during sex, keep your bra on. If you know you are self-conscious about certain body parts, invest in well-fitting lingerie or underthings that makes you feel sexy. As the song instructs, free your mind and the rest will follow.
I don’t really think I need to explain this, but then again, even as someone who considers themselves an expert, I still commit this crime once...
I don’t really think I need to explain this, but then again, even as someone who considers themselves an expert, I still commit this crime once in a while.
And I get it: it makes the experience more fun when everyone finishes, plus it takes the pressure off of our partner and it speeds up the whole ordeal. But on the flipside, faking pleasure is a lie that everyone, especially the liar, suffers from. So promise me that the next time you think to open your mouth to make some fake noises, instead open it to say something honest like, “Baby I love making you feel good, you know what would make me feel amazing? X. Can we try that?”
If you have a second, I’d like you to partake in my mini quiz: Do you laugh during sex? Make interesting observations? Jokes? Do you smile? If...
If you have a second, I’d like you to partake in my mini quiz: Do you laugh during sex? Make interesting observations? Jokes? Do you smile? If the answer is no to any of the above you might be suffering from Sexpressionlessness!
Okay, I made that word up, but I believe it’s a real condition in which people forget that pleasure is supposed to be fun and expressions of joy are a big part of that shared experience. I get that in our favourite movies sex is cool, hot, hard and very serious business, but in actuality, vaginal farts are a real thing and so are man boobs and leg cramps. Like life, sex is not scripted and if you lack a light attitude you might find the entire ordeal rather stressful or even worse, disappointing.
I, of course, did not mention the number one mistake women make during sex, which I wrote an entire article about HERE. (And how about in January we do the whole equality thing and discuss the number one mistake men make?)
Until then, happy New Year—may it be filled with love and sexual fulfilment!